The Pains of a Villain
by nkslovesponies
Summary: What happens when Harley is forced to stay home and wait for the Joker? Will she be able to wait? It's my first time writing so please be gentle, but let me know what I could do better! Thanks!
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: The Meeting**

"Alright! Everybody listen up!" said a man wearing an expensive suit who was obviously in charge. His name was Mario Falcone, and he was Carmine "The Roman" Falcone's only surviving child. Anyone who had dealt with him recently could plainly see that he was desperately trying to reclaim some of his father's former power in Gotham. But the so called super criminals in the city were causing a lot of trouble to his operations, especially one in particular.

"We all know why we called this meeting, it's time to take Gotham back for ourselves!" he proclaimed.

"Yeah and just how do you propose we do that?" asked Sal Maroni. He was the leader of the Maroni Crime Family for the moment. And was a necessary part of Mario's plan to rule the city.

"We have to rule with an iron fist!" Mario said while slamming his fist against the table to emphasize. "First we kill off any one who dares cross us or won't join up! Then we cut off all other business and become the only ones with the goods. We'll be running this entire town in weeks!" he stated proudly for everyone to hear.

"Your forgetting one thing." replied one of Maroni's men. "Yeah, and what's that?" hissed Mario, anger on his face from being challenged.

"Batman…." came the reply. But the man would never say another word because at that moment he was shot point blank in the chest.

"Anyone else got a problem?" said a now satisfied Mario, still holding the smoking gun in his hand.

After a few seconds of silence Mario continued, "Good, now listen, we have a problem we deal with it, got it?" A chorus of "Yes, sir's" was heard around the room. A few minutes passed and almost everyone had left the room except for Mario.

An opening of the door could be heard along with footsteps, but the mysterious figure could not be seen. "Ahh you made it!" said Mario.

"I got your message, now why am I here?" came the reply of the dark figure.

"I know you've had the Batman on your target list for quite some time." Said Mario nervously. One had to be careful not to insult a dangerous person such as this man, but he had hired him for quite a small fortune. He continued, "Listen the best way to rid ourselves of the bat is a distraction." Said Mario. "And what do you have in mind?" came the reply.

"Simple, we cause a distraction, one that will leave Batman on edge. And who better to cause Batman strife than the Joker. Its basic knowledge that when he's lurking about the city other criminals are overlooked, dismissed even." said Mario.

"And..." said the figure. "I want you to target the Joker, I want him dead, understand? Surely that will delay the vigilante for some time. Not only will that give me the time I need to take over Gotham, but it will also give me the reputation.

Deal?" said Mario, a smug look on his face. "It's going to cost a lot more than what you've already paid. The Joker's not an easy man to bump off." said the figure. "Fine, but there's one more thing. There can't be any evidence leading back to me." said Mario after some contemplation.

"No problem, I am the world's deadliest assassin after all." said the figure finally stepping into the light to reveal his true identity.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Phone Call**

It was late one night, probably around 2 a.m. Harley guessed, almost in the outskirts of Gotham. She was in one of her favorite hideouts, a rundown movie theater known only to her and Mr. J, where they came to be alone from time to time. Harley sat on the couch mindlessly watching some boring TV show while distressing over the man she loved, the most fearsome criminal mastermind in all of Gotham, her puddin, The Joker. She could tell her eyes were bright red and her eyelids were dropping, she was so tired but she couldn't fall asleep, not with Mr. J still out there.

He had left for a heist set up with Batman hours ago. She remembered that he had been so happy he almost forgot his keys.

"It's gonna be a great night!" he sang in his usual sing-song voice. His face was bursting with happiness and his curved up in his famous smile that radiated just how excited he was for the night. He was dressed in his usual tailored purple suit with a green shirt and orange vest, not to mention his favorite green tie and trick flower no doubt full of lethal joker venom.

"What's your plan puddin?" she asked with sincere intent.

"That's a surprise, pumpkin." He stated with enthusiasm behind his voice. If she had a million dollars she would bet that he was going to burst with excitement right then and there, but who knew for sure. Mr. J could be happy one minute and then turn to violently cutting your throat open in the next. That's one thing that was so fun about him, being near him was like being in a horror movie full of suspense, with the viewer sitting on the edge of their seat waiting for what was about to happen, jumping out of their seat with popcorn flying everywhere when that next scene finally came.

"Ahh can't I come too?" she asked a little disappointment flashing in her face.

"Maybe next time, pooh." he said while pulling her close by her pigtail. "Unfortunately it's a one man job tonight."

"Yeah I know but..." she started but was interpreted."No buts, now I really must be going sweets. I don't want to be late! You know how Bats gets when that happens!" He chuckled and started for the door.

"Ok... but please just don't forget to call me, just so I know you're alright, ok puddin?" She replied with a hint of hesitation.

"What have I said about telling me what to do?" he hissed. "I know, I know, I'm just a stupid waste of space that has no right to even stand in the shadow of a smart and gorgeous being such as you, let alone tell you what to do." She stated as quickly as she could. She didn't want to upset him while he was in such a good mood.

"And don't you forget it." He said with a hint of sarcasm in his voice and a slight smile as he turned the doorknob to leave.

"Puddin…" he turned to face her one more time."Please..." she continued staring at him with big puppy dog eyes.

"Oh all right." He said in a hushed tone. It was like if the paparazzi were close by and he couldn't have them hear that he, The Joker, the most feared criminal mastermind in all of Gotham, was being sweet to his girlfriend.

It had been hours since he left and there hadn't been a single phone call. It was taking all her determination to not jump from the couch and stand next to the phone waiting for Mr. J's theme song ringtone to start playing, signaling that he had remembered something so small yet so meaningful to her.

After what seemed like hours, but was actually only a few minutes Harley decided she finally had enough. "Screw him! I am going to bed!" she shouted to no one in particular. She turned off the TV, grabbed a pillow and blanket from the closet and lay down on the couch.

It wasn't until the moment she had finally closed her eyes and felt herself drifting off that she heard the upbeat tune of the ringing phone. She ripped off her blanket and dived headfirst over the couch to where the phone was sitting. Picking it up, she took a calming deep breath and said "Hello?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: In the Rain**

"Harley..." said a raspy voice she knew to belong to the man she loved. "Puddin? What's wrong?" she managed to get out over her shocked expression.

"Harley...listen to me…I need you to come pick me up…down by Crime Alley...ok?" He barely managed; it was obvious he was having a hard time breathing. "Ok I'm leaving right now." She replied and heard the connection end.

She was wearing a red t-shirt and black jeans. She had forgotten to change in all her worrying, but was content about the inconvenience now. She picked up a jacket on the way out and was practically sprinting down the street before she realized she needed to travel half way across town. And it was raining.

"Taxi!" She yelled as the cab flew passed her, obviously trying to get out of this undesirable part of town he was currently stuck in. "Crime Alley…now!" She shouted at the driver as she yanked open the door and leaped into the car.

Along the way all she could think about was how selfish she had been when she decided to go to sleep with her precious puddin out there all by himself, probably hurt and confused. She felt the tear roll down her cheek but didn't care; she could only hope he was in one piece.

It had taken over twenty minutes to reach Crime Alley and there was no sign of the Joker. She had been walking aimlessly around the streets, and had even tried calling his phone but to no luck. Until she saw it, a puddle of blood just sitting there on the sidewalk. He had to be close by. She walked to the next alley way and stopped when she heard a slightly crying sound from behind a garbage can a ways from her.

As she walked towards the sound she realized it wasn't crying but someone laughing and obviously having a hard time of doing so. "Mr. J?" she questioned the sound, looking down to see him leaning his back against the wall.

"What took you so long?" Joker replied stopping laughing to look up at her from swollen shut eyes and a bruised face. He looked terrible. His face was covered in cuts and bruises; his hair was hanging loosely from his face, blood and sweat streaming down his forehead. His eyes were shut tightly in obvious pain, and his lips were pulled down in a frown that slowly turned upside down from seeing Harley. He was also breathing in short, shallow breaths and was bleeding profusely down his left side onto his now soiled purple suit. His left hand was clutching desperately at his side, like if he pushed hard enough the pain might just disappear. And in his right hand he was holding a small blade, proving to Harley that he had been in a fight. He was still trying to defend himself even though it was plain to see that he couldn't. Not in his current state.

"Mr. J! Are you alright?" Harley whined, pain now in her voice from seeing her love in such a battered state.

"I'm fine…Now help me up!" he hissed through his teeth, contorting in pain when Harley touched him.

She helped him stand up and he stayed that way even though he was in agonizing pain from doing so. They began to move towards the street but as soon as Mr. J began to move it was now apparent that this right leg was broken and he couldn't put any weight on it. No wonder he hadn't been able to make it home, he could barely move. But he didn't want to spend his night out on the street either.

"Puddin, lean on me, I can help with the pain." She softly stated. "I'm fine the way I am, thanks." He argued. But slowly he began to rely more and more on Harley to help him walk.

As soon as they reached the street a wave of water splashed over them pushed from the gutter by a semi truck just having passed by. The surge almost knocked them both over, but somehow they both managed to stay upright, holding on to each other for support. That's when she realized the Joker was shaking, no trembling, like he couldn't calm himself down after a laughing fit. "Great!" She murmured, not only was Mr. J in no shape to make it home but they were drenched too.

"Harley…"Joker began before gasping in pain, he was having a hard time just standing let alone trying to speak too.

"Easy…Mr. J, don't talk." Harley said trying to think of what to do next.

"Car…hotwire..." Joker stammered, his words hardly coming out over his wheezing, as he tilted his head to signal the deserted car on the street.

"Great idea Mr. J!" Harley said with excitement. He was so smart, even when he should have been howling in pain over his injuries. They started for the car, Harley now almost dragging the Joker to reach it.

Once Harley had started the engine and had made sure Mr. J was as comfortable as he could be in his present condition, she took off down the road. "Mr. J I know your not gonna like this, but I am taking you to the hospital." She whispered hoping he wouldn't argue.

"No…hospitals..." he hissed under his breath, still clutching his wounded side and trying to put on a brave face.

"You are probably bleeding internally! I can't just stitch that up and convince myself it will be alright!" she said but with more intensity, like she was trying to convince herself too.

"No…I can't go back to Arkham." He said. It was obvious now that he was losing consciousness, he didn't even have the strength to keep his eyelids open to argue with her. This was her decision now, he wouldn't be able to stop her actions and he would probably just end up hurt himself more trying to fight with her. She noticed as his body went limp in the passenger seat, she had to decide quickly.

She pulled up into the Emergency Room parking lot; she had made her decision and was sticking to it. She knew Mr. J would be furious when he woke up but it would be worth it, she couldn't bear the thought of him dying because she had obeyed his orders. But just before running around the side of the car to carry Mr. J into the building she noticed something. There were an awful lot of mob members hanging out around here and some of them were headed in her direction.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Bad Timing**

"Hey aren't you the Joker's chick?" asked a large mean looking man who most likely was the muscle of the group. "What do you care?" replied Harley, starting to climb back into her car where Mr. J had luckily shifted and was now just out of sight. It was no time for her to get into a fight; Mr. J needed serious medical attention.

"Ahh don't leave! The party's just starting!" said another slimmer man. "Yeah we haven't had any fun yet!" replied another. "Hey maybe you can help us find the Joker! You see our friends weren't able to finish their little discussion with him earlier. Not with Batman spoiling the surprise and all." said the large man again.

So these were the men responsible for hurting Mr. J, they would pay dearly thought Harley. She was about to punch the man in the face but suddenly the men lunged at her and she was too shocked to quickly recover. Then there were too many of them, and they were harassing her. One man began to tug at her shirt while another grabbed her wrists tightly and held her down. "Let's see what you brought to the party!" said the man.

"You'll be sorry for this! Don't you know who I am?" Harley screamed. But the man didn't get to answer as he was struck in the face with a lead pipe.

"It's time for the piñata! I can't wait to see what kind of candy there is!" said the Joker as the man let out a heavy groan as he flew to the ground landing hard on his back. "Caramels are my favorite!" continued the Joker as he continued to beat the men who still had a hold of Harley, knocking all of them unconscious with smooth, swift movements. He was making it look like a piece of cake. Pain rippling up through his body at every motion he made, but he didn't let it bother him. There were more important things to be concerned with at the moment.

It didn't take long for the rest of the men to figure out what was happening and start to run at the Joker and Harley with surprising speed. But before they reached them Harley heard a hiss and saw green acid spraying from Mr. J's flower to meet the advancing men.

"Ahhh!" screamed out the man unfortunate enough to be leading the group and be hit with the acid right in the face. He instantly dropped to the ground starting to laugh uncontrollably and began rolling on the ground in a ball in an effort to stop the laughing fit he was now having. This caused a few men to stop and stare with a paralyzing fear of realizing just who they were about to attack. That's all the advantage Mr. J needed.

"It looks like I've got em right where I want em, what do you think Harley?" Said the Joker a smile beginning to form on his bruised face.

"I think your right puddin! Now it's time for a spanking!" said Harley as Mr. J threw her a Joker themed grenade. "I wonder what that one does! I guess it's time to find out!" said Mr. J motioning Harley to let the thugs have it.

Harley pulled the pin and threw the grenade straight for the terrified men, hoping it would cause significant damage. "Happy Birthday! Hope you like your gift!" she yelled now seeing the fear in the thug's eyes as they tried to move out of the way, but it was hopeless.

The grenade exploded in purple gas covering all the men in a thick mist. The sound of sickly laughter could be heard and then as the smoke cleared all the thugs could be seen laying on the ground twitching with the classic face of all the Joker's victims. Their face pulled into his signature grin as they all stopped their movements and died. Served them right.

She had been rescued! But after a few moments of making sure the gang members weren't getting up and hearing shouts of "You'll pay for this!" coming from the men who had been off in the distance who were now running for their lives, Harley wasn't so sure if she was the one needing rescue. Mr. J held himself together just long enough to see the men run far enough away before he wobbled trying to stabilize himself and then collapsed face first onto the cold, hard cement.

Harley ran to his side and slowly turned him onto his back. "Puddin?" she questioned trying to make eye contact. Joker's eyes were closed and his face was pulled into a pained expression. He was breathing heavily but seemed to not be getting enough air. His body was going limp, the life draining out of his features after using all his available strength to defend Harley.

"Thank you Mr. J, I love you." Harley whispered into his ear. Joker looked up into her bright blue eyes and managed "No…hospitals." before passing out in Harley's arms.

He was right, for some reason the mob was after him tonight. Harley couldn't imagine why, he hadn't done anything in particular against them recently. Why would anyone want to hurt him? The life of a villain was definitely a painful one.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: Enter the Batman**

Harley had just managed to get Mr. J back into the car as carefully as she could when he showed up. His sleek, black car pulling up in front of hers. NO! She had to get away! If Batman caught Mr. J like this who knows what would happen. What if the mob came to Arkham and finished the job they started. Mr. J was strong, probably the strongest person Harley had ever meet, but at the moment he wouldn't be able to stop anyone from harming him.

She ripped the car into reverse almost hitting some pedestrians on the way but she only had one concern at the moment and that was getting Mr. J out of here. She flew across the parking lot straight into the heart of the city, speeding through stop signs in a desperate attempt to lose her pursuer. But the Batmobile was right at her heels, not for an instant losing distance.

After a few minutes of trying everything she could think of and almost dying too many times to count, Harley had a sinking feeling that Batman was going to win this round. No matter what she did she just couldn't shake him. Unless…she looked over at the Joker, he was seat belted into the car like he was ready to go to the moon; she had made sure he wouldn't be sliding around with all her aggressive driving. He had stopped shaking but was still breathing in shallow, short breaths. "Mr. J! Wake up! I need you puddin!" Harley yelled trying to lull him from his near catatonic state. But he just lay there not moving an inch, too hurt to hear his Harley girl frantically calling for his help.

"Fine! I didn't want to do this but you leave me no choice." Harley stated mostly to reassure herself. She let go of the steering wheel with her right hand and stuck her pinky into her mouth making sure to get salvia on it. She then stuck into violently into Mr. J's ear happily squeaking "Wet Willie! Wet Willie!"

Almost immediately his eyes snapped open, a fuming mad expression appearing on his face. "What on earth do you think you're doing!" he yelled the annoyance of being waken up so rudely could literally be heard in his voice. He started to reach up to remove Harley's hand but was interrupted by a huge "BOOM!" and suddenly the car was lifted off the ground rolling several times before coming to a stop into the middle of the street. Harley had just enough time to look up to see Mr. J's surprised look before her door was ripped off its hinges and she too was pulled out of the car.

Batman held her up by her throat and crossly shouted "What are you doing? Don't you realize how many people you've just killed?"

Harley struggled to catch her breath, pulling her hands up to tug at Batman's grip on her throat. But before she could catch her breath to respond the sound of a gas leak and a spark catching was heard behind her.

"Mr. J!" Harley yelled finally recovering, but before she could react she felt a solid blow to her head and suddenly her vision went blurry, she tried to focus but it was too late, she was losing consciousness. The last thing she heard was the shrill sound of a siren coming closer and then everything went black.

When she woke she felt dazed and sick, she was sure she was about to lose her lunch when she remembered what had just happened. Her eyes shot open seeing nothing but blurry shapes before everything came back into focus. "What happened? Where's Mr. J?" she stammered, looking around for some sort of familiar aspect to go from.

She was on the top of a tall building just adjacent to the road she had been driving on just a short time ago. Looking around it was clear to see that there was no easy way down. The lights of the city were dimly lit, the main source of light now coming from the moon finally shining through the storm clouds. It had stopped raining for the moment but that didn't reassure the chance of more to follow.

"I hit you with a missile to stop you from hurting anyone else." Came the reply from a grumbled voice that she knew belonged to Batman. She turned around to look up at him and began to scan the area for the only man that could make her smile like none other. But he was nowhere in sight.

"Stop with the funny business! Where is he?" Harley cried, now standing up and trying to look threatening to a man that could easily knock her unconscious with one calculated blow. Batman sidestepped and behind him Harley could see the Joker lying down face first with his arms hand cuffed behind his back.

"Mr. J!" Harley cried, moving forward to take her rightful place at his side. This wasn't funny anymore, the Joker was seriously wounded and she didn't even know why. But before she reached him Batman once again stepped into her way, blocking the path to her precious puddin, big mistake. "Get out of my way!" she screamed heatedly, trying to slip around Batman in order to reach Mr. J, but Batman was too quick. He grabbed her and held her firmly as she squirmed trying to free herself.

"Quinn! Stop it! Now tell me what's happened! Why is the Joker so wounded?" Batman managed to say while fighting to keep Harley in one place, but this stopped her dead in her tracks. "You mean you didn't have something to do with it?" Harley asked sincerely, she really had thought that Batman had just lost his temper and had beaten the Joker to a bloody pulp like usual.

"No, I ran into him earlier tonight and he was fighting with mobsters. We worked together to overcome them but afterwards he just disappeared. I thought it strange, he never just runs off without making some witty remark, but now that I think about it, I am sure he was injured. But it wasn't this bad, he needs severe medical attention." concluded Batman, a look on his face that testified that he was telling the truth.

"If it wasn't you…than who did this?" replied Harley, a serious expression on her face. She wanted revenge; no one just targeted the Joker and got away with it.

"I think I can answer that." Said a raspy voice coming from behind Batman. Both Harley and Batman released each other and slowly turned to see the Joker now sitting up against the edge of the building, his hands still cuffed behind his back. His face lifted up to look them both in the eye showing just how battered he was. "It was Deadshot."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6: Not a Good Night**

The Joker was sitting up against the edge of the building, he was in agonizing pain but he didn't let it show through, his face remaining stoic. His left side was throbbing where he had been shot, and he could feel his clothing clinging to his skin from the blood running down his body. He felt queasy, and was sure he was going to be sick; he blamed it on blood loss. But he managed to force it down, his will power alone overpowering his body functions.

"Well it all started after I left for the night." The Joker started, wheezing while he said it. Based upon his shallow breathing he knew he had several broken ribs but he pushed through the pain.

"I had some plans to stir up some trouble that involved the Penguin, sorry bats no spoilers!" he chuckled, looking up to make eye contact with the dark knight, making sure he was paying attention. Once he was sure that he had Batman's full and undivided concern he continued.

_The Joker had just concluded some unproductive business with the Penguin, being held at the Iceberg Lounge, after which he quickly left the club. Penguin had been very power hungry lately and he didn't want him getting any bad ideas about double crossing him. He just wasn't in the mood to deal with a high and mighty Penguin, acting like the high-quality businessman everyone knew he wasn't._

_He had been hoping to be spending time with his favorite sparring partner, the Batman, tonight; but it looked hopeless. It turned out that Two-Face was pulling a heist tonight, apparently it was a big deal, but he didn't care. Batman should have known better than to set a date with anyone else but him. Especially on late, gloomy nights such as this when he was sure to cause some sort of mass destruction._

_He had started to leave, gaining some sideways glances that turned into gaping stares from all who dared look at him. A person had to have guts to stare down the Joker, most people who even got a look at him more often than not ended up dead._

_He had shoved opened the doors, sending them flying out of way, causing them to squeak in protest and signal his hasty exit. It was just like out of an old western movie when the villainous rogue enters into the scene. He sure did have style when it came to entrances, not like Batman._

_He walked out into the foggy, cold night thinking about what he should do next; his mind was constantly planning something, working through the kinks of his next scheduled mayhem._

_As he walked his wits effortlessly acknowledged how many mob members seemed to be present tonight. Funny, he thought, it was highly irregular for the mob to turn up in places like this. They usually preferred the safety of their so called secretive hideouts, where they were always surrounded and guarded by hired guns. Subsequently he noticed they were arguing over something, he remained unnoticed and slowly snuck in behind two of them to eavesdrop._

_"No way man!" said one the thugs, "Dude the last man that asked questions is dead now!" replied his companion. "Well I don't see how we are going to live either way!" the man replied._

_"I know it's risky but how hard can it be? I mean we know he's in there and we have the advantage. We walk in, kill him, walk out and then we'll be living like kings!" said his companion. "Yeah that sounds like a plan, but dude it's the Joker!" he said._

_This perked the Jokers interest and he almost let out a chuckle, so these men were here for him, hilarious! Didn't they know how dangerous he was? Sure he'd had people target him before, but these men were weaklings. They weren't even brawny enough to make a reasonable effort at his life._

_But they had talked about others, was the whole mob after him? And if they were, why? He couldn't think of anything he had done recently to make the mob so mad, which made him laugh even more. He wasn't able to hold his back though and slipped out a soft giggle._

_"What was that?" And both men turned towards his hiding spot. Oh well, I have to teach them a lesson anyway, he thought. He promptly stood up and raised his hands above his head._

_"Well boys, it looks like you got me!" he stated chuckling while he said it, continuing with his renowned laughter. Both men started at him with paralyzing fear, their faces shocked and their mouths gaping open, they hadn't been expecting him._

_"Well aren't you going to run me through? Finish me off? End my wretched life? You're welcome to try!" the Joker encouraged, waiting for some sort of reaction before he ended their own lives. It was so much more fun to have a live audience rather than a stationary one._

_After waiting a couple seconds he continued "Well it seems that I have lost connection, Hello? Houston, I have a problem!"_

_No response, well fine it didn't matter; he was going to have his fun anyway. He took a step forward with obvious malicious intent. This seemed to develop something in their dismal brains, if they didn't do something they were going to die, most likely in seconds._

_Suddenly one took off running in the other direction while the other took desperate action and punched at the Joker, but the Joker easily deflected the blow._

_"My turn!" he said as he swung his own fist and hit the man directly in the gut. The man tilted dizzily away from him landing on the ground with a thud. With immense speed he grabbed some of his razor sharp playing cards and threw them with deadly precision directly at the man escaping. The man fell to the ground as a half dozen sank into his back. "Oh that's gotta hurt!" giggled the Joker._

_"Who do you work for?" said the Joker, now moving to the man laying on the ground grabbing him by the collar and holding his blade to his throat. "Don't kill me!" whimpered the terrified man. "I can't make any promises but it won't hurt your chances." said the Joker nonchalantly._

_"Mario Falcone, he just took over all the crime families. I don't know why he wants to kill you; I just do what he says! Honest!" he replied. He was telling the truth, the Joker could tell but that still didn't answer his questions. He moved down to kill him._

_"You said you weren't going to kill me!" screamed out the now panic stricken man. "I said it wouldn't hurt your chances and who am I kidding? Your chances weren't really good to begin with, never should have gotten into your line of work, if you didn't want to lose, especially with your bad luck!" He giggled as he slit open the man's throat and released his limp body._

_As he turned around he saw the other thug sitting up holding a…"Crap, shoulda have been more careful." He mumbled, he was holding a hand held radio. "I repeat the Joker's in the alley behind the Iceberg Lounge, backup is required!" the thug said, the Joker didn't have a lot of time._

_Just as he was about to shoot the man in the head and end his miserable existence, a van pulled up behind him, in it the Joker estimated was about ten guys. He turned to run the other direction but was also blocked by another van, full of another ten guys._

_"Great, it's just not my night, is it?" he said grinning, "Well I guess the only way to go is up!" he chuckled now looking up to see any sort of escape root. If he was going to win he had to get to higher ground, being stuck in an alley way starting a fight would only lead to his utter demise._

_That's when he saw the fire escape, "Perfect! Hope you don't mind boys but I do have plans for the night!" he exclaimed while making a mad dash for the ladder reaching it just as the mobsters were closing in on him. When he finished climbing to the top of the building, he continued to run, sure he was crazy but he wasn't stupid, taking on armed thugs by himself was suicide._

_But he was stopped by a tight restricting pain in his legs, as he looked down he noticed some rope wrapping around his lower legs tying them together and sending him flying to the ground. He moved onto his back and glanced up, there were five guys who had made it to the top. One in particular who was holding a large smoking gun, no doubt the one that had shot the rope that had stopped him dead in his tracks._

_"Easy boys, I'm not primed for a game of cat and mouse, plus that's more of Catwoman's craze." He joked but inwardly was thinking of ways to escape._

_The mobsters started walking over to him, he had to move quick. He grabbed his knife and effortless snapped the rope. Throwing it off him he was grabbed from behind in a bear hug like embrace. Then one of the other guys holding a metal bat took a swing at him, he tried to move out of the way but was held in place, the bat met its target directly hitting his chest. A few swings later and he was completely winded and was positive he had a few broken ribs._

_But he was determined to get away; he threw his head back hitting the thug square in the nose, blood flying everywhere. As he released his grip to take hold of his broken nose the Joker took advantage, grabbing his knife and sliding it across the man's throat the man dropping dead instantly._

_He turned on the rest of the men now counting about two dozen in total. He began to slice at everything that moved in front of him killing several men in the process but he was slowly losing stamina and was starting to make sloppy mistakes. Every so often he would miscalculate a blow or be teamed up on and in return receive an unforgiving blow, and they were beginning to add up._

_The mob was overtaking him, sure he was a brilliant, psychotic mastermind, years ahead of his time, but he had never really posed any physical threat. Most of his strength came from his awe-inspiring will power, he could take and take and take until his body would reach its limit (which he had let to discover), and even then he would still get up and continue to fight straining every part in his body to do so._

_At that moment he was taking on close to fourteen guys at once, he knew he should have easily been able to win, but his battered body was fighting against him too it seemed. Everything was turning against him tonight._

_Just when he was sure he would pass out from the merciless beating, Batman showed up. He was about to take a punch to the face and had closed his eyes in reaction to the blow when it didn't come. He opened his eyes and saw the man flying across the building knocking over several others in the process. Batman had clearly thrown him and the Joker couldn't help a smile spread across his features, he was being saved by the dark knight._

_"Why hello darling, it's so nice of you to join the party!" the Joker squealed in excitement. It looked like the Batman had been more concerned about him than Harvey Dent after all. After catching his breath he began to once again join the fight, him and Batman working in succession. It seemed that all those years of fighting each other could also be used for good, Oh the irony! The Joker thought._

_Soon after there were only a few men left, the perfect time to leave he thought, and that's exactly what he did. All this running around really was draining him and he could tell he had several broken ribs among other injuries, but that didn't slow him down._

_He kept running, he had to get away from Batman. Sure he had wanted to spend the night with him, but now things had changed. He had to stop Falcone, he needed to be taught a lesson; no one messed with the Joker and got away with it!_

_He was jumping from building to building just trying to get some reasonable distance between him and Batman, it really wasn't the time to be taken back to Arkham. That's when he heard it, the distinct sound of a gun reloading. He looked up with just enough time to see a dark figure standing on the top of the building adjacent with a tripod and a snipers rifle._

_"Darn it!" he managed just before he tried to dive out the way and the sound of a gunshot was heard. He felt the sharp stinging pain in his left side as it threw him backwards, he was already sliding across the roof from the momentum of him trying to escape this fate, but he had been too late and this really wasn't his night._

At this point in telling his story, sweat had begun pouring off his face, his injuries were starting to get the better of him. Harley noticed this immediately and had rushed over to comfort him, but at this point he really just needed some stitches and some rest.

"What happened next?" Batman replied. "Well what else? I was able to sneak away from Deadshot, who no doubt now knows I'm not dead, and I was able to call Harley here, who was dear enough to pick me up." said the Joker, once again wheezing from talking when it would have been clear to anyone else to stop.

"Any questions?" said the Joker. "Just one, how did you get away from Deadshot?" questioned Batman.

"Oh that's easy, I played dead and then when he wasn't looking I jumped off the building to safety." answered the Joker, saying it as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

That explained his broken leg and other agonizing injuries, but not why the mob was after him or why they targeted him in the first place. Only time would tell, or some well-informed thugs happy to sing for Batman in order to skip out on some pain.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7: To the Batmobile**

At the moment, the Batman was brooding. After hearing the Joker's story he couldn't knowingly take him to Arkham, but he couldn't just let him wander the city either. Then there was the fact that he was badly wounded, he needed medical attention now. He could try taking him to the hospital, but from earlier experience he knew it would be crawling with gangsters and that wasn't an option. That only left one place, but it would be dangerous. He would have to take every precaution, and then some.

"Joker, you're coming with me." Batman said firmly, looking down to see the Joker, his hands still cuffed behind his back. Harley was evidently trying to comfort him, but she was having a hard time. The Joker was losing a lot of blood and was now breathing heavy with profuse effort from talking.

"No way, B-man! You're not touching Mr. J!" yelled Harley, daggers in her eyes threatening him like a mother bear protecting her cub.

"Get out of the way Quinn, I'm taking him to get help, and you're going back to Arkham." growled Batman; he was in no mood for a fight. He grabbed them both simultaneously, pulling them to their feet. He noticed the Joker slump in his grasp, as though he didn't have the strength to hold himself up, he doubted that. Sure he was injured, but that didn't make him any less of a threat.

"I'm staying with Mr. J! Don't you dare try to separate us!" Harley stated now struggling against him. This was impossible, and he was losing precious time.

"Fine! But listen closely, if either of you don't do what I say or try anything funny, I'm taking you both straight to Arkham! Understand?" Batman growled shaking them both to emphasize. They both weakly nodded their heads in agreement.

"Okay, I will take Joker down first." Batman said, relieved the situation had matured. "Looks like I have a secret admirer." chuckled the Joker softly, leaning against Batman's chest as he undid the handcuffs holding the Joker's hands in place and then grabbed him around the waist and jumped off the side of the building.

They glided down to the batmobile and he opened the roof to put the Joker inside. He secured the Joker into the passenger seat, noticing him cringe when he accidentally bumped his left side while attaching his seat belt. "Don't try anything." He murmured and quickly receded to retrieve Harley.

Five minutes later they were on their way to the batcave. Batman still wasn't sure if this was a good idea, but what other choice did he have? He knew he was doing the right thing, he just hoped it didn't turn around to stab him in the back, literally.

"I need to blindfold you both." He said holding out two blindfolds to Joker and Harley Quinn while keeping his eyes on the road.

"What don't trust me?" giggled the Joker, but all he received was a poisonous glare from the caped crusader. "Fine, spoil sport." He continued and grabbed the blindfold securing it around his eyes, Harley following in his example.

The trip wasn't too long, but as he drove the Batman noticed the Joker deteriorating next to him. This had been a long and painful night, especially to the Joker. He reached the mouth of the cave just as he realized the Joker's clothing was covered in dark red splotches that were spilling onto the seat of the batmobile, he was bleeding everywhere.

Once he had parked the car he jumped from his seat running over to the Joker and lifting him carefully out of the batmobile. He felt so fragile and weak that Batman took extra care not to damage him further as he ran to the medical wing of the cave, Harley chasing after him, tears streaming down her face. He gently laid the Joker onto one of the beds and started searching through his medical equipment.

"It's gonna be okay puddin." Harley managed through her tears reaching down to hold the Joker's hand. But instead of pushing her away like usual, the Joker actually returned the favor and gripped her hand vehemently. That's odd, thought batman, but he forced it from his mind, he had to focus.

He grabbed the sewing kit and returned to Joker's side, tearing open his shirt to get to the injury. It was atrocious, he had bruises all down his body and his normally pale body was the color crimson mixed with purple and brown from bruising. He was breathing jagged and thin, causing his whole body to tremble at the effort. Not to mention the gunshot wound, it was deep into the left of his torso, gushing blood.

He was shocked to see this much damage, the Joker hadn't even led him on to suggest it was this bad. It was a miracle he wasn't dead. Harley seemed to realize this too because she let out a pained shriek and looked like she was about to faint.

"Keep it together Quinn." Batman said, "He needs you right now." Harley got the memo and began to dab at the Joker's face with a damp cloth Batman had brought over. Batman began to clean the wound and noticed the Joker's face cringe in pain, his eyes squeezing shut and brow pulling up into a wrinkled expression. But he didn't say a thing, not even a groan to acknowledge the pain he must have been feeling.

After cleaning the wound in an attempt to kill off any possible infection, Batman began to stitch the wound together, all the while watching for any sign of discomfort from the Joker, but there wasn't any. As soon as he was finished the Joker's head tilted to the side and his body went limp, the Joker had fainted it seemed, likely from the overwhelming pain.

Batman removed the Joker's soiled clothing and with Harley's help moved him under the blankets. "He needs to rest and so do you." Batman said motioning to a padded chair not far from where they stood. As Harley walked over to reach it he quickly slipped a shackle unto the Joker's wrist and attached it to the bed's post.

"What do you think you're doing Bats?" whined Harley seeing exactly what he was doing but still questioning him.

"It had to be done, I know what he's capable of." replied Batman. "Can't you see he's hurt?" Harley cried looking up at him with disappointment written all over her face, he couldn't bear to look.

"I'll be just around the corner, so stay put. I will be back in a few hours with food." He said dryly turning to leave.

"Batman…thank you." Harley said causing Batman to stop for a moment and then reply with a nod and continue walking.

He knew leaving Harley alone was dangerous, but he had work to do and was pretty sure she wouldn't try anything drastic with the Joker hurt. Speaking of which why hadn't the Joker told him that he was bleeding out? He would have taken care of it immediately instead of waiting around interrogating him. He felt guilty now, but maybe that was his plan all along. No, that had been real; his face had been strained even if he hadn't said anything, confirming that he actually felt the pain. Usually the Joker never acknowledged any pain whatsoever, instead reveling in it, mocking him. He was getting distracted, he needed to focus on work, Two-Face was still out there.

Shifting to the other side of the room, Harley was now sitting down on the chair Batman had showed her. Coming as close as she humanly could to the Jokers side. He was breathing normal now, but she could tell he was still in a lot of pain. She would take care of him though; she almost always did when he was like this. Comforted that he was now in a healthier state, she laid her head down on the side of the bed and slowly closed her eyes to drift off, she really was tired.

After what seemed like hours, she couldn't really tell because the batcave was so dark, the Joker finally stirred. She felt his body shift in position and rose hers lightheartedly to see his smiling face, but instead it was still squeezed tightly shut.

"Are you awake puddin?" she asked still eager to see him smile.

The Joker felt like crap, he could tell his wounds had been addressed, but he had still lost a lot of blood and was very weak. He felt the bandages around his torso and figured he was in Arkham, so when he opened his eyes and the first thing he saw was Harley, he was surprised. She was still dressed in her red t-shirt and black jeans and her hair was pulled into her signature pigtails, but she sure was a sight for sore eyes.

"Harley, what are you doing here?" he asked now looking around to see nothing but black walls and dark shapes beside the white bed he was laying on. "This isn't Arkham, where are we?" he again questioned a look of confusion spreading across his face.

"You mean you don't remember?" Harley asked a little shocked. "Do I look like I remember?" he again questioned a little irritation in his voice now. Harley picked it up and replied "We are in the batcave; Batman brought us here to fix you up."

"Really? I don't believe it!" he said excitedly. It wasn't everyday a villain was allowed into Batman's secret lair.

"It looks like you are feeling better." grumbled Batman as he came around the corner holding a tray full of steaming food. "How can you tell?" replied the Joker chuckling.

"Oh! Whatcha make?" Harley piped up, now realizing just how hungry she was. "Some soup for the both of you, here." said Batman handing it to Harley. "Just leave it on the table when your finished, and no tricks." he said, turning to leave.

"Wait, Bats aren't you going to stay?" Joker whined. "No, I have work to do." Batman said walking quickly away. "Your no fun Batman." mumbled the Joker, looking down away from him, he was noticeably irritated.

A short while later a commotion was heard coming from the medical wing. They seemed to be trying to keep it to themselves but the Joker and Harley were never very quiet for long and Batman could hear most of the argument. "Mr. J you have to eat!" Harley said now clearly frustrated, she had been trying to feed him, but he was having none of it.

"I can do it myself!" he said trying to grab the bowl away from her with his free arm, but she pulled it back just out of his reach.

"Why wouldn't you let me feed you? Your weak and I've done this plenty of times before!" she added.

"I am not weak!" he screamed, swatting at the bowl, but she was doing a good job of keeping it from him. "Besides this time is different!" he continued.

"How?" Harley asked now fascinated in the matter.

"I doesn't matter! Just give me the bowl!" he screamed.

"Not until you tell me why!" Harley repeated. And suddenly the arguing stopped, silence filling the cave. The Batman turned from his desk listening attentively trying to hear what the Joker was saying.

"Because of Batman…I can't…I can't appear weak…not in front of him. He looks at me differently, like he pities me, I hate it." whispered the Joker. Harley sighed then slowly handed over the bowl placing it gently on the Joker's lap. "Ok puddin, I understand." she added.

She watched as the Joker struggled to eat but stood by and after a moment began to eat her food as well. Another pain of being a villain she thought, you can never afford to look weak in front of your enemies.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8: I'm Loving It **

"Bah dah _bup_ bah bah, I'm loving it!" sang the Joker once he had finished eating his soup, spilling most of it on his lap in the process. "Yo batsy! Did you make this yourself? Because it is mmm..good!" he continued a cheerful smile spreading over his face.

"I don't know Mistah J, B-man never really struck me as a gourmet kind of guy." replied Harley, relieved that the Joker was feeling better and had eaten at least some of the soup.

"You know, your right Harley. Think he has a chef in that utility belt of his?" he joked, "Cause I really would love that gizmo."

"You and me both puddin." Harley giggled, it was pretty well known that she was terrible at cooking. Heck, once she had even managed to burn Mr. J's cereal, but that story really didn't need to go into detail right now.

They both cracked up giggling after that, but it slowly faded as Batman turned the corner with a stern look on his face. "The dishes if you don't mind." he said holding out his hands.

"Batsy darling, whatever are you talking about." giggled the Joker, pulling his empty bowl back away from him.

"No funny business Joker, now hand it over." said Batman, now moving forward ready to use force if necessary.

"I've rather grown fond of this bowl, so if you want it you'll just have to come and get it." chuckled the Joker, holding the bowl against his chest as if it were a precious memento. This was ridiculous, Joker was just playing this game to get some attention, and Batman would have none of it. Plus now the Joker had a weapon, even if it was a cheap plastic bowl and his left hand was still shackled to the bed.

He readied himself to attack, but Harley beat him to it. She quickly snatched the bowl out of the Joker's grasp. "Knock it off puddin! Can't you see that Batman has brought us into his home and is trying to be a hospitable host!" she yelled pointing at Batman with her free hand.

The Joker's face was one of shock mixed with anger, but he didn't argue with Harley as she handed over the plates and bowls to Batman. "Thanks again B-man, the soup was delicious." she stated and sat back down once again taking the Joker's hand in hers.

When the Joker allowed it Batman was sure that his face now radiated shock. He had never seen the Joker be so loving to Harley before. There really was something wrong with him.

"Thanks." he managed before leaving the room. He walked up to the manor, making sure the door was securely shut behind him. "That was weird." he muttered to himself as he dropped off the dishes in the kitchen and then turned to face Alfred.

"What was sir?" Alfred replied taking up the dishes and placing them into some soapy water to rinse. "Nothing." Bruce whispered, relaxing himself and removing his cowl.

"Thanks again for understanding my…situation Alfred." he continued, now walking to place a hand on Alfred's shoulder.

"It's no problem sir…I trust everything is going alright with our…guests?" Alfred questioned, now turning to speak with Bruce.

"Yes, they're fine for the moment. But I'm worried about the Joker; he's going to want revenge on the mob for what they've done. And I can't find any clues to suggest what they've been up to recently." Bruce said.

"Well sir for the time being we can only hope for the best." Alfred replied. "I hope your right." Bruce replied revolving his attention to returning back down stairs.

"Thanks again Alfred, I will be back in a few hours. If anything happens…just promise me you won't interfere with Joker, he's dangerous." "Very well, sir." replied Alfred, watching as Bruce returned to the cave; hopefully it wouldn't come to that.

As Batman returned down stairs he noticed Harley had a small lump forming on her forehead. The Joker had hit her, most likely because she had stood up to him, but they seemed perfectly fine now. They were both smiling merrily, both happy to be where they were.

He returned to his monitor immediately, starting from where he had left off. Hunting for clues about what activities the mob were currently occupied in and any evidence of why they were trying to kill the Joker more so than usual. But his research was unsuccessful, yielding almost no results at all. There were only a few arrests in record that reported various street violence, but nothing out of the ordinary.

After a few hours of working he began to be extremely paranoid. He hadn't heard anything coming from the medical wing in over half an hour. What were they up to down there? He couldn't contradict himself any longer, he had to find out.

As he walked towards the bed he noticed they were both dozed off, their eyes closed and heads down; but were they really sleeping? There was only one way to know for sure. He quietly made his way over to the bed, and peered down at the unmoving form of the Joker. He appeared to be at peace, an unusual emotion for the man who seemed to always be in constant motion.

But it wasn't for very long, the Joker moved promptly swinging his good arm down over Batman's head, a rigid outline of a bowl in his hand. He had somehow chipped it out of the bowl to make use of it as a weapon. The Batman hit the ground hard, the blow had come suddenly, but served more as a distraction than harm, the Joker really was weak.

Next Batman heard the snap of Joker's thumb as he dislocated it in order to squeeze his hand out of the shackle chaining him to the bed. And then the inadvertent groan of Harley as she awoke to see the Joker jump from the bed, instantaneously collapsing to the floor on the opposite side of the bed of a downed Batman.

He was still quite injured it seemed as he struggled to push himself up off the floor. Batman hastily leapt to his feet and made his way over to the Joker, grabbing him by the neck and lifting him up off the ground.

"What are you trying to pull? Do you want to go back to Arkham? You won't last two days with the mob looking for you!" growled Batman squeezing harder around the Joker's neck before throwing him firmly back to the floor, making sure to knock the wind out of him in the process. But noticing red appearing on the Joker's white bandages around his gunshot wound. The Joker gasped painfully, trying to regain his breath as Harley rushed from her seat to stand in between him and Batman.

"Leave him alone! You big bully!" she screamed holding her hands to block Batman's vision of the Joker.

"He started it! And now he's going to pay for it!" Batman yelled in reply, squeezing his hands into fists as he pictured himself knocking the Joker senseless. Harley was about to reply but Batman backhanded her out of the way, sending her flying the other direction.

He picked up the Joker once again, avoiding his injuries for the time being, but he wanted to hurt this man. He couldn't control it, and knew the Joker was the only one who could rile him up so easily and make him want to pummel him.

"Oh Batman, we both know you'll never forgive yourself if you take me to Arkham, so what's your plan now?" hissed the Joker barely recovering. Batman stared into the madman's bright green eyes; anyone else would have run in fear from this man, but not him. They started at each other for a few seconds, anger on both of their faces.

The Joker was right and they both knew it. That's when the Joker started laughing, starting soft but gradually growing until it was so intense that it shook his entire body; it must have been extremely painful.

The Batman growled in between his teeth and then uppercut the Joker right in the gut, hard enough to cause the madman to let out a pained groan and stumble backwards. Before he could compose himself Batman hit him again, harder than before directly in the chest. The Joker fell to the ground clutching at his torso, blood now soaking through his bandages. He started to move to defend himself but Batman was on top of him before he could get out of the way.

Batman began to unleash his fury onto the Joker punching him repeated in the face, but the Joker continued to laugh, only once ceasing to stop when Batman began crushing his already broken ribs. But immediately starting up again when he was released.

"You're hurting him! Can't you see he can't take anymore! Stop it!" Harley screamed behind them. She had to stop Batman, he was completely flustered and wasn't going to cease until the Joker stopped laughing. Something the Joker would never do willingly.

Harley lunged at Batman grabbing his fists, trying to stop him from hurting the Joker. But she was turned on and the Batman began tying her up by her hands and feet. But as he turned to finish beating the Joker, he saw what Harley had been talking about.

The Joker was lying on the ground, his hands clutching desperately at his battered body. His wounds had almost all been reopened and his gunshot wound was once again bleeding drastically down his side. His right leg was apparently broken and was now turned in a lopsided angle as well as his broken thumb. His face was pulled into a pained expression as tears were streaming down his face covered in sweat and blood. His chest was rapidly but shallowly moving up and down frantically trying to get his body the air he needed. And all the while he was still chuckling to himself, unable to process how much it was causing him to be unable to stabilize himself.

Batman should have known better, this man wouldn't have been able to defend himself if he had tried. But the fact that he could have escaped enraged the vigilante. That wouldn't happen again. Batman walked over to the Joker and noticed him cringe at the sound of his footsteps; he was expecting more pain to come from him. Pain that he now couldn't control as he didn't even have the strength to open his eyes.

"I'm sorry Joker." he said glumly as he picked up the madman as carefully as he could and walked towards the medical wing. He placed him on the bed and then released Harley, seeing tears cloud her vision. "Why are you so mean?" she asked as she returned to the Joker's side.

He didn't answer as he stitched the Joker's wound once more and wiped off the blood. When he was finished he turned to Harley. "I'm taking him to one of the holding cells so this doesn't happen again. You can either come along or go to Arkham, your choice." Batman stated.

"Sorry B-man but I'm taking option number 3, kick your sorry butt and get the heck out of here!" Harley yelled. "What are you talking about?" said Batman before he was struck in the back with a taser and everything went black.

"Sure is shocking isn't it?" Harley chuckled. Harley had snuck it from his belt when he had tackled her, waiting for just the right moment to use it. As Mr. J would say comedy is timing, speaking of which.

"Mr. J can you move?" Harley whined. The Joker opened his eyes, which were now bloodshot, and attempted to sit up before almost falling back down. Harley barley catching him, a look of concern across her face as he let out a soft groan.

"Oh, puddin…" Harley whimpered. She slowly helped the Joker stand from the bed, but as soon as he was upright his feet failed him and he fell forward bringing Harley with him. "Harley…this isn't...isn't working." The Joker murmured while trying to push himself off of Harley.

"Well we gotta get out of here." Harley said, helping the Joker into a sitting position and thinking of what they should do. Looking over to the bed she was inspired and happily said, "Wait a sec, I have an idea."

A few minutes later she had the blanket off the bed and the Joker lying on top of it. Then she started to pull the blanket across the floor. "Harley…this is stupid." stated the Joker. "Well at least it's working." she said in reply slowly pulling him to the batmobile.

Once they reached the parking station where the car was inactive, she helped lift the Joker inside. She was pretty sure she could drive it but was a little nervous. She was never very good with buttons, and the batmobile sure was full of them.

"Eenie meenie miney mo." she squeaked as she hit a button she thought would open the door, but was surprised when oil started squirting out the front of the car spilling out over the edge.

"Looks like Batsy needs an oil change." laughed the Joker wheezing through his talking. Stopping instantly as pain radiated down his body. It really did hurt, but he would never tell anyone that.

"Oh, try that one!" he said pointing halfheartedly at a particular shiny one labeled with an HQ symbol.

At once the route leading out lit up and a light could be seen at the exit. "Hit the gas!" hollered Joker now glancing back to see Batman sprinting for the car. Harley did as she was told, Batman barely missing the car by a few seconds.

The batmobile thundered down the track speeding away, holding two of the most dangerous villains in all of Gotham. The Batman really had his work cut out for him.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9: A Night on the Town**

The Batman had tried staying on their trail, he really had. But the Batmobile was built for stealth, and for some reason his tracking device was acting sluggish. The Joker had discernibly done something to it, and at the moment it was moving at 5mph.

"Arrgh," huffed the Batman, it would take at least half an hour to transmit the signal from a satellite in order to locate the car. That was time he didn't have. They would easily get away, but then again, Joker wouldn't be easy to move. Plus he had managed to turn off the batmobile's autopilot, a minor setback, but that meant the car wouldn't be able to just drive away and leave them a clean slate. It would lead him in the right direction and then he would stop the Joker once and for all.

Meanwhile, Harley was frantically trying to devise a plan. She knew for a fact that Mr. J was in no condition for a midnight stroll, and at this point had realized the Batmobile was harder to drive than it looked. Batman made it look so easy while it was anything but.

She had already managed to make a few noticeable dents in the car, especially to the computer system. Mr. J had told her to destroy it, that's how Bats would track them down. But past that, every time she lost control or hit a dilemma the Joker just cracked another tacky joke and laughed his head off.

"Oh, batsy is really going to need a paint job after this." Joker chuckled, he seemed to be on an adrenalin rush at the moment, no doubt caused by the abrupt getaway, but that would change shortly.

"Hey I wonder where Bats goes for car parts, hmm…how about Bats R Us? Or maybe Bat O Tires? What ya think Harls?" he giggled now looking over to where she sat in the driver's seat.

"Gee I don't know puddin, but ya know what I am thinking?" she replied a hint of agitation in her voice. She hated to ruin his good mood but felt she was compelled to in order to get her point across. The Joker wouldn't concentrate otherwise and she really needed his ingenious intellect working at the moment.

"What's that pumpkin pie?" the Joker said, looking over to her adorably.

"That if we don't think of a plan real soon both our butts will be back in Arkham before you can say the batmobile lost a wheel and…" she replied currently frustrated, before being interrupted.

"Ok, ok, I get it!" the Joker whined, now sitting quietly and looking out the window trying to clear his head and force it to think of a plan.

"Well we can just use that autopilot doohickey that Batman was kind enough to install. It should be easy, now where is it? Hmm….there..." he replied while pushing the intended button. Static fuzz immediately came up and started buzzing through the stereo system, distracting Harley and causing the Joker to cover his ears quickly.

"Turn it off, turn it off!" Harley shouted absentmindedly as she started swerving in the street. The Joker responded to her request and hit the button again.

"Well that won't work…" Joker stated his voice trailing off as he started laboring over his breathing. His adrenalin rush had just leveled off.

"We have to…to ditch…ditch the car now." Joker managed breathing hard; he knew they didn't have a lot of time before Batman figured out where they were. "Pull over…here's fine." he continued pointing to a rundown neighborhood.

"What's the plan Mistah J?" Harley asked turning the car off and looking over to the Joker for direction.

"Well first I need a disguise, I don't really fit it at the moment." he said matter of factly and pointed at a nearby dumpster. "Now be a good girl, go and get me one." he smirked.

Joker was right; he was a tall, completely white man who was covered in bruises and fresh bandages that were easily noticeable. His right leg was totally out of sorts, bent at an irregular angle. Plus his eyes and swollen face were just barely returning to normal. Not to mention his trademark green hair and red ruby lipped smile; anyone smart enough to notice more than a terribly beaten man would know exactly who he was.

Looking down, Harley realized she wasn't much better. She was also covered in cuts and bruises, not even close to Mr. J but enough to be noticed. At least she could seem a normal girl, but with Mr. J at her side there was no way she would pass as anyone but Harley Quinn.

A couple minutes later an exhausted Harley climbed out of the dumpster holding some not too torn up clothing. She returned to the batmobile and knocked on the glass. To her surprise no one answered.

"Mr. J? Are you in there?" she whispered and knocked again, this time hearing a small rattling as the door was slowly pushed open.

There sat the Joker, even more exhausted than she felt. By the looks of things he had been waiting patiently probably bored out of his mind, and incredibly weak, trying to summon his remaining energy in order to walk.

"Here you go puddin." she said as she pushed forward the clothes, "Get dressed, we have to hurry."

After another few minutes in silence the Joker finally emerged. It seemed his injuries were causing him a lot of delay, they were taking a toll on him and they were losing valuable time because of it.

He was dressed in tattered clothing that looked like it was last worn ten years ago. It was obviously too big for him, but at least he wasn't drowning in it. He was wearing a hat and scarf that did a pretty good job of hiding his face but from her height his could still see his shining green eyes, they were beautiful.

"All right sweets, let's go." he said causally as he stepped out of the car and moved towards her. She couldn't believe he was standing, but then again he had gone through far worse and managed just fine.

They started walking down the street but it quickly turned into a light jog, Batman was most likely just a few minutes away. Harley kept an eye on the Joker but he seemed to be keeping up without too much trouble, although he was hobbling a bit. It was at times like this that she realized just how relentless her man could be despite any injury when determined.

A few blocks further the streets started to get more populated, but no one ran in fear as was customary when they went for a walk around the town. "Good, they haven't recognized Mr. J." Harley thought as they continued; now having to push through a small crowd waiting for the bus.

"Excuse us." Harley said pushing through the crowd, a silent Joker in her wake. But no one was moving, in fact the bus had just arrived and a sea of people were actually pushing forward causing her to be shoved back and lose her balance.

She fell hard to the pavement and before she could regain her footing she was accidently kicked by a man trying to get ahead of the crowd. The blow hit her right in the nose and immediately her delicate features started bleeding. When she stood up, the man had disappeared into the vast group of people. She held her nose vaguely, trying to stop the bleeding and slowly looked around. Mr. J was nowhere to be seen.

She began to search frantically; surely she had just lost sight of him and he was right behind her. But as she continued to look all she saw were the unfamiliar faces of ordinary people living in Gotham.

Looking promptly turned to shouting, "Puddin! Where are ya?" but still no reply came, it was unsettling her nerves. "He was right behind me!" she thought, now assuming the worst. "What if Batman had got him? What if…" Suddenly she saw a man pulling himself up against a staircase leading up to an apartment to the side of the crowd. It seemed that he fallen too.

"Of course!" she thought, if she had been runover surely the same thing had happened to him. That's when she saw the look in his eye, the Joker was about to do something drastic. She ran to his side saying "Not now puddin…" helping him to his feet and gently holding him back. Any form of violence would only reveal his true identity and would mostly likely attract Batman's attention.

"These mindless arrogant fools are like cattle! They don't care about anything but their meaningless little lives, grazing off others hard work and achievements to justify their own pointless existence! Blindly lining up to be slaughtered!" he hissed, she knew that tone, he wanted to kill something.

When he got like this he would typically cause an extremely high body count before being disgracefully returned to Arkham, after a merciless beating from the self-righteous caped crusader of course.

She had to get him out of here; no good would come from his attempt to blow off some steam by viciously murdering someone, at least at the moment. "Come on we gotta get out of here."

"Why? These cows are begging to be slaughtered." he hissed in reply, looking down at Harley with a lust for blood in his eyes. "I bet if we grilled em and dip em in sauce, they'll turn out to be one delicious burger. And I've been _dying_ for a happy meal." He softly chuckled in a wicked way, Harley despised when he laughed like that. It meant that nothing would change his mind, he was out for blood.

"Look, I know you're angry. I am too! But we don't have time! We'll have to destroy their pathetic lives later, but for now we…" Harley said trying to convince Mr. J, but was interrupted.

"What's wrong with you?! Don't you want to punish them? I taught you better, you stupid waste of space!" the Joker growled, he really wasn't in a mood to be trifled with. But he knew she was right and that made him furious, he was never wrong.

He stood his ground waiting with Harley as they watched the crowd climb aboard the bus, carefree. Not one of them noticing their little disagreement that might have ended their very mortal lives.

After a few moments they began walking again. Harley following behind the Joker now, actually trying to keep up with him. The Joker had somewhat calmed down but his eyes showed his real intentions. He wanted revenge and when he wanted something he more often than not got it.

After few blocks of walking in silence Harley began to grow impatient. "Puddin where are we going? We pasted our old hideout a couple blocks back!" she whined, she hadn't said anything before out of fear of losing him at his current pace. But he had now started to slow down, his body was probably rebelling against him, but he still kept walking.

"I'm going to Penguins place, but you can do whatever you want! In fact the farther away from me it is the better!" he yelled turning to face her. But his face said otherwise, sweat was pouring down his brow as he continued to push his body to the max.

He stormed away trying to prove his point. But Harley followed him again until she saw the bright lights of the Iceberg Lounge. They traveled around to the back and the Joker demanded to see the Penguin, having to remove his disguise in the process. Several minutes later they were both seated at a table in the VIP section of the club.

"What the heck happened to you?" the Penguin stated mockingly, smiling from seeing the Joker. He loved seeing the madman in pain, he indisputably deserved it. But he quickly got back to business; he wanted to know why the clowns were bothering him and how he could get them out of his hair.

"I'm here for those codes you promised me." said the Joker dryly, ignoring Penguin's rude remark.

"No deal clown." he laughed, "I thought we already discussed this, me and my men stay out of your business, while you do the same." He continued now pointing his umbrella at the Joker's chest.

"Well there's been a change of plans. Perfectly understandable, considering my flexible nature." Joker replied back, slowly pushing the umbrella away and smiling. "Now can't we discuss this like gentlemen?"

"I'm afraid that bird has flown. My apologies Miss Quinn, I hate to kick you out, but I can't be seen dealing with this freak show. So get out...please." He added for good measure, gesturing towards the exit.

When neither of the clowns moved he persisted. "We can make this the easy way or the hard way." Penguin shrugged, taking a step back and summoning his guards over to their table.

"Oh, come on Pengy! Do I look like the easy way kinda guy?" smirked the Joker, preparing himself for a fight.

"You big jerk! Are ya blind? I would never leave Mr. J! Why do y'all have to judge us!" yelled Harley now standing with her fists clenched. The argument hastily escalated from there, Penguin started shooting at the clowns with his umbrella, but they were too quick for that and easily dodged out of the way.

"Sick em Harls!" Joker laughed as both Harley and himself lunged at Penguin, but he managed to jump out of the way behind his row of guards. "Get them!" screamed the Penguin as guards came running towards them.

Suddenly the Joker was slammed hard from the back causing him to momentarily lose his breath but he watched as Harley jumped on the guard's back screaming "Leave him alone! You big fat baldie!" while punching him in the face as he tried to throw her off his back.

He started laughing at that but continued forward, dodging punches flying toward him as he tried to defend himself without any weapons. He had forgotten that he had lost his suit and gadgets and was still wearing the clothing Harley had managed to find on the street. It smelled like bad Chinese food but he ignored that, he needed to focus.

But out of the blue Harley came flying across the room hitting him square in the chest and knocking them both to the ground. He let out an impulsive groan as they hit, sliding across the floor under the table.

"Already plan…plan B." said the Joker trying to regain his breath as he held the side that Harley had just slammed into. It was throbbing again; he hoped he hadn't broken his stitches.

"Gottcha! We can take em!" Harley pitched in, now jumping from under the table and flipping in the air into a nearby guard. She distracted the others as the Joker heaved the table onto its side.

"Let's see if your smarter than a fifth grader! Next subject, geometry!" the joker giggled as he rolled the table towards the guards. They turned with just enough time to see a large table gaining speed in their direction before trampling them to the ground.

"Nice one Mr. J!" shouted Harley moving out of the way as the table took out all the guards but one.

"Oh it looks like your answer was incorrect! But there's still time for a bonus round!" the Joker stated like a game show host.

"My answer is in!" Harley said as she kicked the man in the face knocking him out cold.

"Ding, ding, ding, we have a winner!" sang the Joker now turning to face the Penguin. He was glaring down the Joker standing in the midst of his fallen men.

"Your more trouble than your worth! Take the blasted codes and leave!" Penguin yelled angrily, pulling a yellow file from his coat and throwing it towards the Joker.

"Oh and time is up! But we do have a winner, ME!" the Joker laughed, picking up the file and heading towards the door. "Come on Harls."

Once they both exited the club, the Joker hindered a bit. Stuttering in his steps and raising his hand to his head, trying to stabilize himself.

"Mistah J…are you alright?"

"I'm…fine. Call a cab."

Harley did as she was told and hauled a taxi over to their location, both of them stepping into the car and giving the driver directions. The car started into the breaking dawn, the sun beginning to rise above the skyscrapers, signaling the start of a new day.

The Joker slumped forward, breathing hard. Harley saw the pain in his face even though he would never admit it. She slid under his arm and allowed him to rest his head on her shoulder. He closed his eyes and relaxed, almost falling asleep before the driver stopped and demanded his payment.

"Oh, do you take IOU's?" questioned Harley before being pushed out of the cab with the still disguised Joker, as the driver speed away angrily. She wrapped her arm around the Joker's shoulders and he did the same, leaning against her as they walked toward the rundown apartment building in front of them.

Looking up they saw the boarded up windows and condemned signs lining the building. This was a dreadful place to stay but they were both exhausted and Harley was sure she couldn't take another step. Not to mention Mr. J's condition, she knew he was having a hard time just breathing. They both turned to give one another a glance of disapproval but they didn't really have a better option at the moment.

"Well on the bright side at least were together." Harley said trying to cheer up the Joker.

"I'm speechless." replied the Joker giving Harley a look of indifference.

"Come on let's get some sleep."

"Can't argue with you on that." continued the Joker as they both entered the deserted building.


End file.
